Mrs. West, please forgive your son

A suggestion for next year's Grammys: Abolish the "Album of the Year" award. "Bullshit!" you say? Watch your mouth. And hear me out. The last decade has proved the complete worthlessness of the award and the misnomer in its title, capped off by Herbie Hancock's win for RIVER: THE JONI LETTERS.

Now don't get me wrong...I love Herbie Hancock. I've probably heard more Herbie Hancock than most people of my generation. I thought Herbie Hancock had been dead since the early 1980s. No disrespect...once I saw his win, I downloaded (legally, mind you...Gandalf, where are you when I need you?) RIVER and I really liked it...a whole lot more than I liked GRADUATION by Kanye or the three songs I heard off Amy Winehouse's album. But is it really the BEST album of the year? Is Kanye? Is Amy Winehouse?

Problem #1: The "Best Album" category faces a similar problem to the "Best Director" category of the Oscars. Rather than earning the award for whatever work they produced in the current year, recipients often receive it for a work they produced years, even decades earlier. Marty won the Best Director nod because Kevin Costner stole it in 1990; Steely Dan won Best Album in 2002 because they didn't win for AJA or ROYAL SCAM; Bob Dylan won for TIME OUT OF MIND because he never won for any of his pre-religious zealot-era music. And Herbie Hancock won in 2008 because Miles Davis didn't win for KIND OF BLUE, because John Coltrane didn't win for BLUE TRAIN and because Herbie Hancock didn't win for MAIDEN VOYAGE or HEAD HUNTERS. And again, I want to point out: I loved DEPARTED, I loved TWO AGAINST NATURE, I loved TIME OUT OF MIND. But each of these was a shadow of the respective artists' prior works and, while all these things are great in their own right, they're more famous for evoking fond memories of past work. And if they're really the best that that year has to offer, then the arts are heading in a serious downward spiral (but that's another post...).

This phenomenon would be similar to a professor giving me a C on an A+ paper, only to realize the mistake a few semesters later. And instead of going back and correcting the grade, it would be like him saying "even though you're doing C-work in my class this semester, I'll give you an A+ to make up for the last one". It's this warped sense of justice that is completely unfair to everyone else who's producing even better stuff THIS year (and does this mean that in 20 years, Kanye will win for MOMMA--STILL MILKIN' YO DEATH or Amy Winehouse for REHAB--YES, YES YES YES?).

Problem #2 (it's shorter, I promise): And on to Kanye and Amy, who were expected to duke it out for the award....Rename it. It's offensive to people who enjoy music. Take "Album of the Year" and stick a "Most Popular" on the front of it. Give more lifetime acheivement awards. Hell, create a whole new category called "OOPS--WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS..." for all the Herbs out there. Sure, artists who are making great music still won't be recognized, but at least the awards will be honest.

And while we're on the subject...how about one of those OOPS awards to Morris Day and the Time for ICE CREAM CASTLES? Anyone...?